9 Things People Do In Public That Make Me Automatically Hate Them Forever

So,studies happened. Not much, because I don’t study much, but they’re still there, and I actually studied and now I feel like I should do some major procrastination to cleanse myself of those sins. So here I am.

So WordPress shortcuts have been bothering me a bit. A teensy bit, but it’s still there. I have a bad habit of randomly touching keys on my keyboard, and it keep sending to random pages. No I don’t want to know the author bio, thank you WordPress. Yeah I know I should stop resting my hand on my keys while I think up a new post, but old habits die hard. So do male mantises. Forget I said that. Does anybody even get that joke? Anybody?

Does anyone ever come up with a really good joke and no one around them seems to get it? I mean, that happens to me all the time. I stopped joking about manga and games and internet, but people still don’t get them. I guess because most of them are sarcastic? I dunno. Wow. I know I ramble, but this is getting out of hand. On to the post now.

This is a list, because lists make my posts look bigger. And this list is about something I feel very strongly about. Something I wish to see changed in the world.

Notice the capslock there? That’s how strongly I feel about it. So without rambling any more, I will leave you to read my list. It’s not very long because I usually tend to exaggerate to myself the number of points I could write (Around 150 easily) and then look around like an idiot and post the half completed list.

1. Stare.

 

That could be flattering in some cases, but usually it’s just creepy. And they don’t even stare with interest or anything, they just stare for the sake of staring. It gets stranger when you are standing at a red light and the person next to you decides that you are an alien life form worthy of inspection. No thanks earthling. I’d rather cross the road unprobed.

2. Make a cluster of people in doorways

 

This is what annoyed me most in school. I already am uncomfortable with crowds, and those idiots always made a giant ass group in the classroom door and stood there talking to each other. Socialization is cool people, but not at the expense of other people’s comfort. And even when you tell them to move, they stare at you for a looong time before shuffling around like zombies. It doesn’t take so long to process one four letter word. Even if you are “special”.

3. Talk loudly

 

I don’t care if some sports team loses or if your relatives are jerks or if your boss is an asshole or if you weren’t feeling well.I know that must be very important to you, but if your voice is penetrating (hehe…) through my headphones, you need to pipe the fuck down. Because I’m pretty sure that if I take my headphones off anywhere in your vicinity, I will go deaf, and I’d like to have 5 more years till I do that.

4. Go into a freaking coma

This is only annoying if you’re in a queue behind a person. Your’re there, waiting for the line to move, and the person in front of you just stands there without moving. I get not moving in 5 seconds, but after 10, it severely damages my already paper thin patience. I will push you, ignore you cut in line in front of you, yell at you or burn you into a pile of ashes which I will then put at the end of the longest queue I can find. I am not remotely joking about this.

However, if I am not in a queue,I will ignore you. Don’t worry.

5. Suddenly stop while walking to text

What is wrong with you? You could stop slowly, you know. Or are you physically incapable of doing more than half a thing at a time? If so, get out. This is the 21st century and we don’t want non multitasking losers here. Or you know, just move to the side if you have to stop. If you don’t do that and if I bump into you and you glare at me, I will break your phone. I think that’s worse than a death threat these days.

6. Bump into me

Now I have never done a 5. NEVER. Or anything that might justify you bumping into me. I will not tolerate it. If it’s a crowded road and if you are in a hurry, that might be marginally understandable, but if there’s 10 feet of empty footpath surrounding me, prepare to die painfully. Or hear an exasperated sigh, if I have already killed a lot of people that day.

7. Appear out of no freaking where and hug me

I don’t care if you think we are BFF’s 5EVA…don’t I am usually in a trance when I am outside, and if you so much as touch me, I will karate chop you down on your face. I am dead serious, I was somewhere around the 30th best karate doing person in my class 5 years ago. My skills are still as sharp as any sharp object.

8. Squeal

Not synonymous to 3, really. It’s worse. If a person talks loudly, I assume that the person is

a. deaf or talking to a deaf person

b. A douche-bag

If a person squeals, however, they go into instant black books that I carry around for cases like this. My black book has over a hundred names by now. Don’t make me add yours, you won’t like the consequences…and I got tired thinking up creative threats,

9.  Stink

I don’t care if it’s body odor or deodorant odor. It’s all classified as stink and if it’s coming off you, I’m not even sorry to say that you will be avoided like the plague. Or Ebola. It’s usually not that hard to have a bath every day. If you cannot do so for whatever reason, don’t leave the house. If you have to, use a bearable amount of deodorant so that people around you don’t start getting headaches because of the smell.

So I’ve typed this three times because WordPress likes having fun by randomly deleting parts of posts people are working on apparently. No worries though. Not like I put in a lot of work or anything.

I would’ve liked to end at a nice 10, but my mind has different plans I guess. 9 is still a decent number, so I’m not too pissed.

Also, Fun Fact : When I started this blog thing a month or so ago, I actually made a hand written list of what I wanted my posts to be. I had over 50 topics. Guess how many have been written about? 2. Yup. I really live by the rules, don’t I. Anyway, since I am almost considering really nearly studying, I might not have enough strength in me to think about stuff to type, so I might use that list since in spite of being at the bottom of my bag for all these days, it hasn’t mutated into a living organism. So if my future posts are super boring, blame the list. If my past posts were super boring, blame the list, if this post is super boring, blame the people. For everything else, blame the internet. Always blame the internet.

P.S. When I saw forever, I mean until you give me good food or praise my dog. Unless I mean forever, in which case it’s forever.

7 Situations in which you should probably not talk

First off, I’d like to clarify that I am not anti social, I am asocial. Big difference. If I were antisocial, I would go around beheading everyone I see with a chainsaw, but since I’m asocial, I limit myself to just thinking it. Why the sudden vocabulary lesson? Because people might make misconceptions about me after reading this, and what the internet thinks for an entire second after reading something I put so much work into really changes my life. True.

Now that that’s cleared up, let’s continue.

SITUATIONS IN WHICH PEOPLE SHOULD IGNORE ME/SHUT UP/DISAPPEAR 

1. When I am wearing headphones

 

You’d think this would be obvious, but you’d be surprised. I have lost count of how many times I’ve seen people move their mouths like my fish used to (RIP Mr.Bushido), before I had to explain that my headphones weren’t just for show.

What irks me more is when I am actually generous enough to give you some of my time and take my headphones off, you mute yourself and smile dumbly. Hello, my headphones are off!! You can talk now!! No? Okay…I’ll put them back on…

Goldfish Mode Activated again… 

WHY YOU DO DIS?!?

2. I am half asleep, in a comfortable position and already half dreaming

Also one that should be obvious, but isn’t. What part of sleep do you not like? What part of comfort do you not like? What part of happy do you not like? Or do you just not like me? In that case, why are you even talking? Go flame someone on the internet or something..

And this is doubly annoying when I have to sleep outside at a friend’s or something. At home I can just rage around and go into my godzilla mode and I don’t have to care, but outside, I have to be a friendly, polite person who cannot yell at you because you opening the bathroom door at 8 AM disturbed me. But yeah, in general, if there’s people in your house, act like you’re in their house. It makes everything so easy for them..

3. I’m next to you on a bus/train/plane

No. Just no. For one thing, if I’m travelling, that brings you to 1 because I physically cannot travel without my music. What part of my oversized, shiny headphones with too-loud music blaring out of them makes you think I want to talk about how uncomfortable you are in your seat and have wanted to puke since you climbed in? Or that I want to listen to you about how you are unused to public travel and are here only because your entire fleet of private jets have been sent to renew their gold plating? It’s not like I don’t talk at all, but if it’s a 10 hour thing, I’ll probably want to be deaf for at least 6 hours and asleep for two.

4. While watching a movie.

 

So my family and friends seem to think I’ve personally written the story of each and every movie we’ve ever seen.

“So why’s that person not using the other door?”

“What happened to that person from the beginning?”

“Who is that person in the mauve shirt?”

If I knew what the hell mauve was, I’d tell you. Really. That and if I had a clue as well, which I don’t. Shut up and let me eat my nachos.

It’s like everyone wants to talk just when the movie starts and then wants to pester me about what’s going on for the next two or so hours.

5. When I’m using a taxi/auto-rickshaw and the driver wants to keep on talking

It’s like every single reason somehow keeps going back to 1. And I do understand that working for so many hours every day must get tiring and boring, I get tired when I have to drive for an hour a week, but honestly, after a polite “How do you do?” and “Nice/Horrible day today.” and a few more sentences to that effect, I don’t want to talk to you. Sorry, but I didn’t decide to skip driving today in order to make a new BFF.

6. I am out shopping, done shopping and paying and the cashier thinks it’s the perfect time to discuss the effects of dog farts on global warming.

Just no. I am already rushed because there’s a crowd forming around me and I’m getting dizzy, not to mention that people in line behind me are mentally killing me in 19 different ways for every extra second I prolong their suffering, and not even because my bags are heavy (I’ll never admit something being too heavy for me to lift), but because your views and my views might not match and that might make us hate each other and I have to see you on a daily basis. Sorry.

7. When I am on my computer

That might mean that it’s never safe to talk to me, but that’s not true. It’s simple really,

If I’m playing Sims, go right ahead and talk to me. You can even ask me what I want for lunch and I’ll give you a somewhat ordered answer.

If I’m playing Skyrim or Dragon Age or Final Fantasy or whatever actually interesting game that requires thought, I will ignore you completely. No joke. The house could be on fire and my first priority will be saving the wifi so that I won’t be disconnected. Also, if I am playing those games, I am using my headphones anyway, which again sends us to 1.

1 is really dominant I guess which is almost making me rethink my other points, which is something I don’t like. So I think I’ll stop for now. 7 is a good number anyway, right? RIGHT?

So yes, that’s my list. I thought that since people around me now know of my blog, I’d start their reading with a post that might benefit us all. And is safe for my mother to read. Mostly the second part though.

And I have posted 3 posts in 4 days, because my exams are going on. Once they stop, so will my thought process. Why does life have to be so difficult?