10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHILE DRIVING

Another spur of the moment list! I really like them, so I might make half a million more before getting bored and never making a list again, but yeah. This list has been brought to you because of “That jerk who cut me off”, “Bitch who doesn’t know how to drive”, “Idiot who definitely stole someone else’s license” and “Person I am going to murder some day”.

If you want to blame someone for making you read this shit, blame them.

1. Talk on your phone

Let’s start with the obvious. And it is so obvious that I am surprised it needs to be said, but it clearly does because of that guy who bumped into me the other day because he couldn’t take his phone out of his pocket without losing control of his bike. I don’t care if you people are suicidal, fine. I really don’t, but I do not have plans of dying any time soon, so I would prefer you not meddling with that.

Also, you people are assholes and I hope two people talking on their cell phones while driving collide with each other and explode. Without a lot of fire though. Fire causes pollution.

2.Listen to music

I like music. I can and have listened to music for ten hours straight on multiple occasions. But I was not driving. How can you hear the other vehicles and horns and stuff? Are you retarded? And for the love of god, please don’t shake your vehicle to the beat of whatever song you’re listening to. That’s homicidal.

3.I spy a hot guy (or girl, but guy rhymes, and I’m a sucker for rhymes)

Really? I know that looking at a good looking person in real life isn’t comparable to looking at the same person online, but is some other person’s broken arm/leg/neck what you want? Because that could happen. Unless you go bang against a pole, in which case I will laugh and record it and post it online. But yeah, don’t do that.

4. Argue

OH.MY.GOD. This usually happens if it’s a couple on or in a vehicle, and all I can say is, WHAT? Get a room. Seriously. Or pull over to the side and argue to your heart’s content, but don’t freaking kill other people because you didn’t like the other person talking to that other person. We have no part in this and would like to keep it that way. Thanks.

5. Admire the scenic view.

You’re in a city. There’s no scenic view to be found here. Stop looking around you and start looking in front of you. Chop Chop, time is running out. I don’t understand why people do this. They’ll be driving around at 500 kmph and be looking at shops and houses and people on the road and such… What is so interesting, really?

6. Stop suddenly for no obvious reason

You’re going along your way, minding your own business, when you suddenly understand the mysteries of the universe. You stop, suddenly, and die because the people behind you cannot stop because you gave no indication of your stopping whatsoever before doing that. And now the world will have to wait for another millennium to understand all that. All because you were an idiot. Have some sense of responsibility for your fellow humans, sheesh.

7. Use the horn incessantly

This cannot be stressed enough. And I know it’s true because I have managed to misspell every word in the last sentence. Including “be”.

If I’m waiting at an intersection, at a red light, behind a hundred thousand cars, surrounded by fifty more, and you blocking my escape route, how do you suggest I give in to your honking and move? This is only acceptable if you’re an ambulance. But I’ve gotten pretty ugly glares for making way for an ambulance (from the other people, not the ambulance itself), so I’m guessing you don’t like that.

The only way I can think of to stop that noise to to lift whatever vehicle you are driving and slam it into the honkers vehicle. But unfortunately, my super strength has to be kept hidden so I can only do that on empty roads (yes, people like honking on empty roads as well).

8. Doing stunts in the middle of the road

Very cool. Yes. Now take my coin and move, punk, because I don’t have time for this nonsense. In fact, no body does. Everyone’s busy with their own shit, and so no one’s going to think you’re anything but an annoyance. It’s harsh, I know. I could help you enroll in kindergarten again if you want, because that’s probably the mental level of everyone who does this.

9. Drive in the fast lane, slowly

Old people, I’m looking at you. I know you want to take a turn after two kilometers, but don’t drive on the right (or left, I don’t know about other countries) side of the road so slowly that I can overtake you on my way to college! It’s just annoying, dangerous, and annoying. Did I mention annoying?

New drivers are also guilty of this. I was not, when I was new though, so I’m in the clear.

10. Drive on the wrong side of the road.

Unless it’s a life and death matter, I will hunt you down and strangle you for doing this. There’s no acceptable excuse for this kind of behavior. I used to go to class at 5:30 in the morning, at that time the roads are nearly empty, so I had assumed that people would break the rules and so used to drive slowly.

They do break the rules. And they glare at people who follow them, judging by the colorful language I heard early morning for so long..

That’s it for now. I’m supposed to be studying right now. I’m really not good at that. Anyway, that’s why there’s no pictures or anything in this post because I am rushed.

Also, I actually made it to ten without stopping at 7 or 9 at going to 11! TEN! I am happier than I should be. Maybe I should lay of the internet for a while. Maybe not.