7 Situations in which you should probably not talk

First off, I’d like to clarify that I am not anti social, I am asocial. Big difference. If I were antisocial, I would go around beheading everyone I see with a chainsaw, but since I’m asocial, I limit myself to just thinking it. Why the sudden vocabulary lesson? Because people might make misconceptions about me after reading this, and what the internet thinks for an entire second after reading something I put so much work into really changes my life. True.

Now that that’s cleared up, let’s continue.

SITUATIONS IN WHICH PEOPLE SHOULD IGNORE ME/SHUT UP/DISAPPEAR 

1. When I am wearing headphones

 

You’d think this would be obvious, but you’d be surprised. I have lost count of how many times I’ve seen people move their mouths like my fish used to (RIP Mr.Bushido), before I had to explain that my headphones weren’t just for show.

What irks me more is when I am actually generous enough to give you some of my time and take my headphones off, you mute yourself and smile dumbly. Hello, my headphones are off!! You can talk now!! No? Okay…I’ll put them back on…

Goldfish Mode Activated again… 

WHY YOU DO DIS?!?

2. I am half asleep, in a comfortable position and already half dreaming

Also one that should be obvious, but isn’t. What part of sleep do you not like? What part of comfort do you not like? What part of happy do you not like? Or do you just not like me? In that case, why are you even talking? Go flame someone on the internet or something..

And this is doubly annoying when I have to sleep outside at a friend’s or something. At home I can just rage around and go into my godzilla mode and I don’t have to care, but outside, I have to be a friendly, polite person who cannot yell at you because you opening the bathroom door at 8 AM disturbed me. But yeah, in general, if there’s people in your house, act like you’re in their house. It makes everything so easy for them..

3. I’m next to you on a bus/train/plane

No. Just no. For one thing, if I’m travelling, that brings you to 1 because I physically cannot travel without my music. What part of my oversized, shiny headphones with too-loud music blaring out of them makes you think I want to talk about how uncomfortable you are in your seat and have wanted to puke since you climbed in? Or that I want to listen to you about how you are unused to public travel and are here only because your entire fleet of private jets have been sent to renew their gold plating? It’s not like I don’t talk at all, but if it’s a 10 hour thing, I’ll probably want to be deaf for at least 6 hours and asleep for two.

4. While watching a movie.

 

So my family and friends seem to think I’ve personally written the story of each and every movie we’ve ever seen.

“So why’s that person not using the other door?”

“What happened to that person from the beginning?”

“Who is that person in the mauve shirt?”

If I knew what the hell mauve was, I’d tell you. Really. That and if I had a clue as well, which I don’t. Shut up and let me eat my nachos.

It’s like everyone wants to talk just when the movie starts and then wants to pester me about what’s going on for the next two or so hours.

5. When I’m using a taxi/auto-rickshaw and the driver wants to keep on talking

It’s like every single reason somehow keeps going back to 1. And I do understand that working for so many hours every day must get tiring and boring, I get tired when I have to drive for an hour a week, but honestly, after a polite “How do you do?” and “Nice/Horrible day today.” and a few more sentences to that effect, I don’t want to talk to you. Sorry, but I didn’t decide to skip driving today in order to make a new BFF.

6. I am out shopping, done shopping and paying and the cashier thinks it’s the perfect time to discuss the effects of dog farts on global warming.

Just no. I am already rushed because there’s a crowd forming around me and I’m getting dizzy, not to mention that people in line behind me are mentally killing me in 19 different ways for every extra second I prolong their suffering, and not even because my bags are heavy (I’ll never admit something being too heavy for me to lift), but because your views and my views might not match and that might make us hate each other and I have to see you on a daily basis. Sorry.

7. When I am on my computer

That might mean that it’s never safe to talk to me, but that’s not true. It’s simple really,

If I’m playing Sims, go right ahead and talk to me. You can even ask me what I want for lunch and I’ll give you a somewhat ordered answer.

If I’m playing Skyrim or Dragon Age or Final Fantasy or whatever actually interesting game that requires thought, I will ignore you completely. No joke. The house could be on fire and my first priority will be saving the wifi so that I won’t be disconnected. Also, if I am playing those games, I am using my headphones anyway, which again sends us to 1.

1 is really dominant I guess which is almost making me rethink my other points, which is something I don’t like. So I think I’ll stop for now. 7 is a good number anyway, right? RIGHT?

So yes, that’s my list. I thought that since people around me now know of my blog, I’d start their reading with a post that might benefit us all. And is safe for my mother to read. Mostly the second part though.

And I have posted 3 posts in 4 days, because my exams are going on. Once they stop, so will my thought process. Why does life have to be so difficult?

Pet Peeves

So I have a couple of pets. Just putting that out there so you know I am completely biased. In case you wouldn’t have guessed.

As a pet owner, I go through a lot of shit. Literally and otherwise.

People around me don’t help, and they pretty much try to make my day as horrible as possibly possible just because I walk my dog daily. No joke. This isn’t funny to me.

I understand not liking animals (not really), and don’t judge people for it (meh…maybe a little bit) but it’s difficult. This is how most of my walks go

Me : walking, trying to not trip and keeping sure that my dog doesn’t poop in front of or near anyone’s house and doesn’t pee on cars that are parked nearly in the middle of the road no matter how much they deserve it.

My dog : walking reluctantly and checking for ways to pull me back home without me knowing what he doing (he is very subtle)

Us : not particularly paying attention to other people

When suddenly, a piercing wail rings through the quiet morning air, shattering the peace if the surroundings. People come to their windows to see what could have possibly happens to a human fir them to make such an agony filled shriek…

I should be a poet.

And some stupid 10 year old yelling her head off because my dog looked at her from half a dozen feet away. THIS HAPPENS. A lot. Very annoying if it happens a couple of times. Then you start to wonder what you’re doing wrong. Then you get pissed.

I don’t mind if the person yelling is a really small kid. Or even if you glare at us as we pass by. Maybe you just look like that. I’m not judging. But some things should stop. I mean, it happens every day! How can you possibly be scared of a dog you see every single day?

1) Screaming when we’re more than 5-6 feet away from you. My dog is too lazy to get up and eat from his bowl lying one foot away from him and chooses to crawl over instead. He’s not going to randomly decide to chase you down and rip your head off when you’re so far away. Trust me, if he becomes that active, I’ll be happy. But he mostly won’t.

2) Tell me my dog dirtiest the streets. Fuck you. I know dogs do this, and I hate it. When they have an option. My dog never does this. Because I have an option to take him someplace else. Some people who love in crowded areas don’t. Because they can’t. I know it’s disgusting, but maybe you people could arrange dog parks or at least places where owners could dispose of the poop.

3) Barks too much. Really? Most kids who play outside sound like they’re being brutally murdered and tortured. That goes on for hours. In the afternoon when you 80 year old people are sleeping. Barking is my dogs way of trying to join in. Just because he’s having fun when you cannot doesn’t mean you get to bitch about it. Grow up.

4) Smells. Okay, I got nothing. My dog stinks. Mostly all dogs do. Even humans stink on a slightly lower scale. And my house does have a particular doggy smell attached to it that people might feel disgusting. But then, it’s really nothing that I can help with. It just came with the package. But the thing is, most people I like don’t have a problem with it (or do I like people who don’t have a problem with it?) So it doesn’t bother me.

5) Hygiene. My house is us ally super clean because my mom’s a neat freak. And I do not mean to say freak in a light way at all. It gets scary. And very annoying. Ever tried to reason with anyone why the jeans you’ve worn for five minutes shouldn’t be washed and lost? No? I have. A lot of times. It’s impossible to win. So don’t give me the whole having a dog causes a house to suddenly ly become unhygienic. The intensity does drop, but most people aren’t disgusting enough to keep their house THAT dirty (right?).

6) I am too bored to think of 6th. If anyone has a dog (or any pet, really), they’ve probably been thorough enough to think of a 6th. If you hate animals, you can make a 100 points up I’m sure. Use your imagination.

Now I know it’s impossible to suddenly start liking animals for no reason. I get that. But if you could just completely ignore a pet owner when they walk by, and politely tell them to maybe clean up afterwards, trust me, they will appreciate it. Unless they’re assholes. In that case it’s better to ignore them. Assholes and pets make the worst combination.

You can quote me on that.