You know how we are taught to fear snakes at night and to not go out alone because of creeps around or how to stay away from rabid looking dogs? I have an addition to the list. Insects.
FEAR THE REAL KILLER
It is estimated that there are about 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 insects living today. That’s right, a Quintilian insects. It is said that about 53 people die each year because of an allergic reaction from being stung. I was also looking for the number of people that die because of poisonous insect bites, but Google is being surprisingly unhelpful right now. Let’s just assume the number is in millions.
Why the sudden interest in insects?
I just came back from class, and the language I was using wasn’t exactly something I would normally let people hear from me. I pride myself on usually not swearing, but seriously, some things are just poking you, waiting for you to burst. Like a person tapping their feet loudly for hours on end, or insects jumping down your shirt.
Firstly, it’s around 7 PM right now, so it’s evening and I know I shoud’ve expected to be thoroughly molested by insects the second I stepped out of the house, but I didn’t. I was hoping the “Do good and good things will happen to you” thing will work out, but it didn’t. That’s the last time I switch off the lights when I leave the room now. So I was unpleasantly surprised when a moth decided to sky dive right into my hair the moment I stepped out if the house. I let it find it’s way out of the jungle it found itself in and moved on.
On the way, there was a big bug (I don’t know which one, and I don’t care) who decided to nest on my face and didn’t move for at least 200 meters until I stopped driving and took it off. It seemed reluctant, and it broke my heart, but I knew I had to set it free. But that wasn’t the end of my buggy adventures
Two minutes more and a couple of insects decide they need privacy, so they hide themselves from the prying eyes of the big bad world…in my shirt. Not Cool. The worst thing was, I was at a petrol station and couldn’t even stick my hand down my shirt to drag the presumably happy couple out. I don’t even want to think of the things they did in there…:shudder:
So after my silly little moped (yes, I drive a two wheeler.I don’t drive a car because I am too lazy to learn to drive one. Also, if I did learn, how would I get to meet so many interesting people from the insect family?) was filled up. I decided to make a dash for the class I was already late to, killing a couple of suicidal butterflies along the way (what were they doing out at 6:30 anyway?). I reached and happy story, the class was cancelled.
After muttering a few choice curses under my breath, I was on my way back home. I already knew no one was going to believe my reason for coming home early and that had already pissed me off when out of no where, a stupid whale sized moth decided to collide against my fucking face. It was large enough to make me pull on my brakes like my dog pulls on his leash and stop to see if I’d killed it. I hadn’t. The fuck up made a car nearly bang into me at 500 kmph and it didn’t even have the decency to at least fly a little slowly. Nope. It was all like
“Haha..this was my revenge for you killing a couple of my brethren on your way here..haha…you nearly died!!”
Well here’s the thing, moth, your idiotic brethren were dumb enough to fly around in front of my vehicle like a couple of bollywood actors running around in the woods. But woods don’t have vehicles,so the actors don’t die (shame, really). But the moth wasn’t having any of that, and after it tried to suicide bomb itself onto my face a few more times, I decided to get the hell out of there. Also, the two insects were still doing the nasty down my shirt, so I wanted to get out of it as fast as possible.
And as I was going my way, angry, violated and on the verge of breaking down, another insect (no doubt an accomplice of giant-whale-sized-moth) decided to creep into my helmet (yes I wear a helmet. I ARR SAFTY GURL!!!) and crawl towards my ear.
Now anyone who’s ever been stuck in slow moving traffic will know how difficult it is to do anything else but drive in that situation. The traffic’s slow, so you will take longer than usual to get wherever you’re going, but it’s still freaking moving so you don’t have even half a free hand to do anything else. Now if you can put yourself in that situation, I’d like to add a few challenges.
Imagine there’s a couple of insects in your shirt, not the whole “I’ve got butterflies in my stomach” crap, real actual insects OVER your stomach, doing god knows what things to each other in there,
Imagine you can still feel a giant ass moth landing on your face.
Imagine the uncomfortableness of a helmet and
Imagine an insect crawling under said helmet into your ears, all at the same time.
You will weep.
I almost did, but some very nice guy told me to move my fat ass along and so I didn’t.
Obviously, the first thing I did when I finally parked outside my house was to remove my helmet and vigorously push that insect deeper inside my ear, probably making it easier for giant ass moth to monitor my movement through telepathic convos with ear canal insect. So when my helmet-less head entered the house almost two hours earlier than expected, people were not pleased. At all. Nice family, mine.
So yeah, that was my evening went. Wild, I know. What about you?
humorworks 