First off, I’d like to clarify that I am not anti social, I am asocial. Big difference. If I were antisocial, I would go around beheading everyone I see with a chainsaw, but since I’m asocial, I limit myself to just thinking it. Why the sudden vocabulary lesson? Because people might make misconceptions about me after reading this, and what the internet thinks for an entire second after reading something I put so much work into really changes my life. True.
Now that that’s cleared up, let’s continue.
SITUATIONS IN WHICH PEOPLE SHOULD IGNORE ME/SHUT UP/DISAPPEAR
1. When I am wearing headphones
You’d think this would be obvious, but you’d be surprised. I have lost count of how many times I’ve seen people move their mouths like my fish used to (RIP Mr.Bushido), before I had to explain that my headphones weren’t just for show.
What irks me more is when I am actually generous enough to give you some of my time and take my headphones off, you mute yourself and smile dumbly. Hello, my headphones are off!! You can talk now!! No? Okay…I’ll put them back on…
Goldfish Mode Activated again…
WHY YOU DO DIS?!?
2. I am half asleep, in a comfortable position and already half dreaming
Also one that should be obvious, but isn’t. What part of sleep do you not like? What part of comfort do you not like? What part of happy do you not like? Or do you just not like me? In that case, why are you even talking? Go flame someone on the internet or something..
And this is doubly annoying when I have to sleep outside at a friend’s or something. At home I can just rage around and go into my godzilla mode and I don’t have to care, but outside, I have to be a friendly, polite person who cannot yell at you because you opening the bathroom door at 8 AM disturbed me. But yeah, in general, if there’s people in your house, act like you’re in their house. It makes everything so easy for them..
3. I’m next to you on a bus/train/plane
No. Just no. For one thing, if I’m travelling, that brings you to 1 because I physically cannot travel without my music. What part of my oversized, shiny headphones with too-loud music blaring out of them makes you think I want to talk about how uncomfortable you are in your seat and have wanted to puke since you climbed in? Or that I want to listen to you about how you are unused to public travel and are here only because your entire fleet of private jets have been sent to renew their gold plating? It’s not like I don’t talk at all, but if it’s a 10 hour thing, I’ll probably want to be deaf for at least 6 hours and asleep for two.
4. While watching a movie.
So my family and friends seem to think I’ve personally written the story of each and every movie we’ve ever seen.
“So why’s that person not using the other door?”
“What happened to that person from the beginning?”
“Who is that person in the mauve shirt?”
If I knew what the hell mauve was, I’d tell you. Really. That and if I had a clue as well, which I don’t. Shut up and let me eat my nachos.
It’s like everyone wants to talk just when the movie starts and then wants to pester me about what’s going on for the next two or so hours.
5. When I’m using a taxi/auto-rickshaw and the driver wants to keep on talking
It’s like every single reason somehow keeps going back to 1. And I do understand that working for so many hours every day must get tiring and boring, I get tired when I have to drive for an hour a week, but honestly, after a polite “How do you do?” and “Nice/Horrible day today.” and a few more sentences to that effect, I don’t want to talk to you. Sorry, but I didn’t decide to skip driving today in order to make a new BFF.
6. I am out shopping, done shopping and paying and the cashier thinks it’s the perfect time to discuss the effects of dog farts on global warming.
Just no. I am already rushed because there’s a crowd forming around me and I’m getting dizzy, not to mention that people in line behind me are mentally killing me in 19 different ways for every extra second I prolong their suffering, and not even because my bags are heavy (I’ll never admit something being too heavy for me to lift), but because your views and my views might not match and that might make us hate each other and I have to see you on a daily basis. Sorry.
7. When I am on my computer
That might mean that it’s never safe to talk to me, but that’s not true. It’s simple really,
If I’m playing Sims, go right ahead and talk to me. You can even ask me what I want for lunch and I’ll give you a somewhat ordered answer.
If I’m playing Skyrim or Dragon Age or Final Fantasy or whatever actually interesting game that requires thought, I will ignore you completely. No joke. The house could be on fire and my first priority will be saving the wifi so that I won’t be disconnected. Also, if I am playing those games, I am using my headphones anyway, which again sends us to 1.
1 is really dominant I guess which is almost making me rethink my other points, which is something I don’t like. So I think I’ll stop for now. 7 is a good number anyway, right? RIGHT?
So yes, that’s my list. I thought that since people around me now know of my blog, I’d start their reading with a post that might benefit us all. And is safe for my mother to read. Mostly the second part though.
And I have posted 3 posts in 4 days, because my exams are going on. Once they stop, so will my thought process. Why does life have to be so difficult?
humorworks 